Jump to content
Engineering Talks




  1. What's new in this club
  2. Engineering is a line of work where mistakes can be costly on many levels. You would think engineers are a serious bunch of people, but there are an awful lot of engineer jokes out there. Here is a list of some of my favorite engineer jokes. Feel free to share yours in the comments if you have a good one. Definition of an engineer: Someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had, in a way you don’t understand. Engineering is all about laziness in the name of better life. Arguing with an engineer is a lot like wrestling in the mud with a pig. After a few hours, you realize that he enjoys it. Q: Why do computer engineers get Halloween and Christmas mixed up? A: Because 31OCT = 25DEC. An engineer is a fellow that takes a measurement with a micrometer, marks it with a crayon, and cuts it with an axe. During the French Revolution, three men were condemned to the guillotine. One was a preacher, one was a doctor, and the third was an engineer. When the preacher approached the deadly machine, he requested to be beheaded while lying on his back so that he could die while looking into Heaven. The doctor and the engineer thought that to be a good idea and requested the same. As the blade plunged down the track toward the preacher, it suddenly stopped just short of the man’s neck. The executioner declared it an Act of God and let the man go free. The same thing happened to the doctor. As the engineer laid his head back in place he suddenly said, “Oh wait! I see the problem!” The optimist sees the glass as half full. The pessimist sees the glass as half empty. The engineer sees the glass as twice as big as it needs to be. Q: What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers, Civil Engineers and Chemical Engineers? A: Mechanical Engineers build weapons; Civil Engineers build targets. Chemical Engineers are engineers that build targets that explode really well. A wife asks her engineer husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with six cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why in the world would did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.” Q: What’s the difference between a chemical engineer and a chemist? A: A chemical engineer does for profit what a chemist does for fun. A programmer and an engineer were sitting next to each other on an airplane. The programmer leans over to the engineer and asks if he wants to play a fun game. The engineer just wants to be left alone, so he politely declines, turns away, and tries to sleep. The programmer continues to pester the engineer. “C’mon, it’s a real easy game. I ask a question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.” Again, the engineer declines and tries to sleep. The programmer really wants to play the game and says, “OK, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I’ll pay you $50!” The engineer grins and agrees to play. The programmer asks the first question, “What is the distance from the earth to the moon?” The engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the programmer $5. The engineer asks the programmer, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down on four?” The programmer looks thoughtful, takes out his laptop and starts to surf the net for the answer. After an hour he wakes the engineer to hand him $50. The engineer takes the money, turns away, and tries to go back to sleep. The programmer asks, “Well? What’s the answer to the question?” Without a word, the engineer reaches into his wallet, hands $5 to the programmer. A group of physicists and a group of engineers were travelling by train. Each physicist had their own train ticket while the engineer group had only ONE ticket for all of them. The physicists started laughing, figuring the engineers were going to get caught and thrown off the train. One engineer spots the conductor coming and they all duck into the bathroom. The physicists were puzzled. The conductor came aboard, said, “Tickets, please,” and got tickets from all the physicists. He then went to the bathroom and knocked on the door and said, “Ticket, please.” The engineers stuck the ticket under the door. The conductor took it and moved on. A few minutes later, the engineers came out of the bathroom. The physicists felt really stupid. On the return trip, the physicists decide they should try the engineer’s scam. They bought one ticket for the whole group. They met up with the engineers in the same car. The physicists all smile and wave their lone ticket. This time, the engineers have no ticket. One engineer nods towards the door between cars and says, “Conductor coming!”. The engineers sat back as all the physicists locked themselves into the bathroom. After a moment, one engineer knocks on the bathroom door and says, “Ticket, please.” A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table. Most people believe “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it!” Engineers believe “If it ain’t broke, add more features!” Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?” The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.” The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.”
  3. Have u ever thought ,if a true mechanical engineer will write a love letter 2 his girlfriend....it would be somewhat like this....  My perpetual darling From the day u entered in the control volume of my mind my heart has become a closed system and its entropy is increasing according to III'rd law of loveodynamics....... The events and activities are so complex that i cannot find the optimum path after n nos. of iterations...... My heart is unable to sustain the cyclic load of ur frequent smiles and is near to endurance limit failure..... I am quenched in ur thoughts and no heat treatment can save my heart from decrystalisation now........ please do not test the bearing capacity of my heart valves and lower your yield strength......... please do not increase the compression ratio of my heart so much bcoz it is not designed to bear so much thermal stress..... please lower the octane no of ur temper as my little heart is not accustomed to so much undesired Knocking....... I am sure that u also would be experiencing some residual stress, and will someday show a proportionate straining of ur heart according to hooks law .........and as a Mechi i firmly believe in this theory.....so i will wait ....... till my little heart crosses its ultimate tensile stress and fractures Your LoveStrain-Hardened lover
  4. From space exploration to the water slide, engineering makes our lives more 'fun and exciting.' DID YOU KNOW THAT... The snowboard was invented by an engineer? With some engineering twists and turns along the way, the snowboard has become a marvel of geometry, chemistry, and biomechanics. Since the snowboard allows deft turns, ski manufacturers have quickly adopted some of the snowboard innovations, enabling skiers to turn with less effort. Engineers design running shoes for protection, performance, and comfort? Engineers understand how much force travels from the ground through the shoe to the foot. Through the work of engineering, weight is distributed throughout the whole foot -- heel to toe. A civil engineer created the slippery part of the water slide? A civil engineer designed a pumping system to circulate just the right amount of water to the flume. Without the right flow of water, there is no ride. Additionally, civil engineers have designed the slide to withstand the weight of people, the water, and even the force of the wind blowing on it. The launch and return of spacecraft, from the Apollo to the Shuttle, is a monumental engineering triumph? The space program has greatly expanded the world's knowledge base. The technological advancement by engineers in energy, communications, materials, structures, and computers, have made space travel possible. The Ferris Wheel is considered one of the greatest engineering wonders in the world? The first Ferris Wheel was created by Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania engineer, George W. Ferris, in 1893. The wheel is supported by two 140-foot steel towers and connected by a 45-foot axle -- the largest single piece of forged steel ever made at that time. Engineers make interactive television possible? Engineers are involved in all aspects of interactive TV technology, from designing new cables, to creating new film emulsions, to engineering better sound quality. This technology allows viewers to select any program, film, or game from more than 500 channels. Engineers play an instrumental role in the theme park industry? Theme park engineers are involved in designing, building, lighting, and even controlling the crowd flow in theme parks around the world. Companies and universities are using engineers to form the Virtual Reality and Simulation Initiative? This technology applies computer simulation and visualization to 3-D modeling projects, such as virtual offices. Bioengineers are creating a new and exciting medical technology? This technology will utilize virtual reality to help surgeons reconstruct facial birth defects. Computer engineers, in conjunction with animators, have created special effects in movies such as "Jurassic Park," "Forrest Gump," and "Interview with the Vampire"? Through "morphing" technology, images are digitally mastered to appear realistic. Sources: Baine, Celeste. The Fantastical Engineer. Farmerville, LA: Bonamy Publishing, 2000.

  • Create New...